Blog

Azuan Yazdani

Viewing posts created by Azuan Yazdani

Reminiscences

I had a conversation today that led to a lot of reminiscing. Much later after I’d gotten home, I continued to recall things from my past.

Midway through that though, my train of thoughts went slightly off tangent to things that used to irritate/annoy/bemuse me. Here are couple of them at random:

1. Pool.
When I was young(er), I occassionally played pool at Sega City. This was a large arcade on the third floor of Sungei Wang Plaza (where all the other arcades currently are) which occupied a huge space including a section with pool tables.

I finally stopped playing there though due to one incident. At that time Sega City was going through a financial crunch (business was bad for them – which is why they no longer exist), and so they decided to diversify their revenue base. Noticing that there was an empty spot as one entered the pool parlour (the spot was too small for a pool table), they decided in their infinite wisdom to plant a karaoke machine there.

A karaoke machine is bad. A karaoke machine with majority Malay songs is worse. Don’t get me wrong, there are Malay tunes that I enjoy listening to, but let’s face it, a huge proportion of Malay songs for the gen-x group is the mat rocker style of music. They usually have lots of screaming, yelling, and trying to hit notes that they shouldn’t be trying to hit.

So yes, 3 ringgit went into the pool machine (no one was at the karaoke machine when I started) and of course midway through the game, the sounds that emerged from the machine was like a cat being skinned alive. Still, I managed to be the one to pot all my coloured balls in, followed by the black ball too…along with the white at the same time.

I was getting extremely annoyed at the singers who continued to belt out their renditions and wanted to leave. But my fellow pool player said since I’d chipped in for the first game; it was only fair if he chipped in for another. So we played game 2, and again I was the first to pot in all my coloured balls, followed by the black…and the white at the same time AGAIN!

[For those who don’t know the rules for pool, potting the black ball is the last thing you do to win the game. If you successfully pot the black ball, and your white ball goes in as well, you lose.]

Ever since then, I stopped patronising the place, and several months later they went bust.

2. Radio Ads.
For those who listen to the local radio stations, there used to be a public service ad proclaiming how if one were to save 10 ringgit a day everyday, after 5 years, one would have amassed, with the wonders of compound interest, almost RM18,000.

Now for those of you who don’t notice immediately what annoys me about that statement, reread the above paragraph and ruminate on it for a bit.

Got any idea?

If no, here’s why. In one year, there’s at least 365 days. In five years, that would be 1825 days.
RM10 multiplied by 1825 comes to RM18,250. And this is without factoring interest. The wonders of compound interest indeed. According to that ad, if I saved RM10 a day everyday after five years, I’d end up with less then the sum of all the money saved daily!

If you imagine that the person saving here is a lazy bum, who takes the effort to say open a fixed deposit only at the end of each year, at an interest rate of 3%, the amount saved should be in excess of RM19,300.

3. English in School.
Some amusing lessons that I received back then:

In Standard Four, I was taught to pronounce words in what the teacher thought was the correct pronunciation. Carpenter is pronounced with the “pen” rhyming with “fern”.

In Standard Five, the teacher taught us that words such as carpenter is pronounced with the “pen” rhyming with “hen”.

In Standard Six, the teacher began a lesson explaining the term, “jiran”. Those classmates sitting closest to me threw me a quizzical look hoping for an explanation as to what it was about. I just gave back a baffled look in response. I couldn’t figure out what this “jiran” was until the teacher wrote out “gerund” on the blackboard.

4. The Gentleman’s gentleman.
I was lucky enough to be invited to a country estate, and sample the pleasures there.

The place was gorgeous, with acres upon acres of greenery in all directions. The first activity that I endeavored upon was horse riding. Now I never am, and never will be an equestrian of even the minimum standards. So midway through the ride, my horse of course decided to buck and throw me off. And of course, it had to dump me in the one spot of non-greenery around us (a huge mud puddle). Unhurt (physically at least), I returned to the manor where the house butler assisted me in getting fresh clothing and taking away the mud-splattered ones.

I apologised for the inconvenience and he remarked with a, “That’s quite alright, sir.”

Still somewhat red-faced, I wandered about the different rooms until I came to the library. Now that was fantastic sight to behold, floor to ceiling bookshelves with thousands of books. I happily explored the different titles, climbing up on the stepladder. In the process of doing so though, I didn’t realise that I had unhooked the ladder from the rails that secured it to the shelves…so of course as I was examining different tiles, the ladder suddenly lifted off from the railings, up to the apex where I frantically tried to push my body weight forward and of course failed most miserably. The ladder went on from the apex straight down where I prepared to crash onto the floor upon my back (yes, this is like a scene in a movie).

Now if I crashed into the floor, that’d be quite alright, but this was at the corner of the library and I managed to slam with substantial force upon the bookshelves behind me, and in the process dislodging a goodly number of books.

There I sprawled on the ground, amongst piles of books at my side and on top of me as the butler rushed in along with an assistant. With my face growing redder then ever, they assisted me to my feet whilst making sure that I wasn’t harmed. I apologised for what had happened, and again the butler looked at me with a straight deadpan face, “That’s quite alright, sir.”

Do bad things come in threes? In this case, it did. I tried my utmost best not to cause any more harm to my surroundings (or myself) for the rest of the day but failed. I went to take a shower, and opened the faucet to test the warmth of the water. Evidently the washer had come loose at the bottom end of the shower spray and water shot out in a sharp burst from there blasting me nicely (it was cold thankfully) as I stood there agape (I was still fully dressed). I, being the genius that I was grabbed to close the shower curtain and prevent the water from flooding the rest of the bathroom. I grabbed too hard. The shower curtain (and rod) came down in a crash, one end smacking quite well on my big toe.

I gave a yell and hopped out of the room. By chance the butler was passing my room at that time and he rushed in upon hearing my yell. He sized up the situation in a glance, strode into the bathroom and closed the faucet. (Which is what I should have done in the first place)

Once more, with my face couldn’t possibly becoming any redder, I apologised for the mess. The butler of course replied with, “That’s quite alright, sir.”

Happily, I was not banished from the estate by my most gracious host, and those were the only three incidents to mar that holiday.

Smart Tag – Not so smart eh?

Now a while back Merv had given me a spare Smart Tag unit. For those who don’t know what it is, it’s a device used to facilitate electronic payment at toll booths seamlessly without having to stop your car. The appropriate charge will be debited from your Touch’N’Go card (the item that stores your actual prepaid cash value) which is slotted into the Smart Tag unit, and then you can drive on through.

So I was driving to the mechanic’s and had to go through a toll. Whipped out the Smart Tag unit, drove up to the lane, and a siren sounded whilst the electronic scoreboard by the booth flashed “Unit error – contact admin” or something along those lines. Feeling much chagrined I looked about as a toll worker nearby who had witnessed what occurred came up to me and checked the unit. He then told me, “Battery sudah habis.” (the battery’s flat)

Great…forgot to check that part. With much signaling to the cars who were stuck behind me, everyone inched back to allow me to reverse and go through a Touch’N’Go lane instead.

Learning my lesson then, I made sure to get a brand new battery, popped it into the unit and voila, all set. I didn’t have the chance to test the unit until a week or so later when I had to take a drive towards Kajang. As I approached the Smart Tag lane (there’s typically only _one_ smart tag lane per toll collection center), this Silver Waja came up behind me at high speed, tailgating me very closely. I raised my eyebrows at that but resolved not to lose my temper at another idiotic Malaysian driver (hey, it is Ramadhan after all).

We approached the sensor, there was a beep and voila, I was let through! As I drove away though, I was puzzled since the electronic scoreboard by the sensor showed my Touch’N’Go balance at slightly above 20 Ringgit. I could’ve sworn I still had over 50 Ringgit still on it. I also noticed the Waja stuck at the Smart Tag booth, and was going, “Hah, sucker. That’s retribution for tailgating me like a lunatic driver just as we’re approaching the lane.

My drive toward Kajang proceeded and I hit the second toll collection centre, zoomed into the Smart Tag lane and…a loud siren sounded and the electronic scoreboard showed, “Unit Error!” The expletives that came out of my mouth are not suitable to be shown here. Suffice to say I was extremely annoyed. Reversed the car, went into the Touch’N’Go lane and…hey, I’ve got more then 50 ringgit still in my card.

As I drove away I then realised what must have occurred at the first toll collection center. My Smart Tag unit was obviously faulty in some manner (still not sure why) and that idiot driving the silver Waja had followed so close behind me that it was HIS Smart Tag unit which had caused the toll barrier to go up and let me through. After my car went through the barrier came down once more. And the way the cards function is that they can’t be used again for a short period of time (as I understand it). So he was totally stuck.

On hindsight I do feel a little guilty about what occurred. So if you’re the driver of the silver Waja, I’ll buy you a teh tarik to make up for it. I still say you’re an idiot driver nonetheless though, since you enjoy tailgating that much when we’re already about to come to a near stop.

So anyway, this is a rant against those clowns at Rangkaian Segar Sdn Bhd (the company that sells Touch’N’Go and Smart Tag). Seriously, it’s time you people buck up and talk to the different toll operators. Right now a typical major sized toll collection center will have two Touch’N’Go lanes and one Smart Tag lane. I’d strongly urge them to convert all three to Smart Tag lanes but WITH Touch’N’Go sensors on each lane. If a person’s Smart Tag unit doesn’t function, then they can at least use the Touch’N’Go card and drive on. Right now if it fails we’ve got no choice but to invoke the infamous “gostan” maneuver to get out of the dratted lane. Yeah this may seem detrimental to those who exclusively use Smart Tag alone but hey, we’re trying to promote electronic payment and seamlessness at Toll booths remember? (if you want to experience what it’s like these days, try hitting the Ipoh North and South toll booths during any festive season, as well as the KL toll exit for the KL-Seremban highway)

It’s bad enough you’re still charging an exorbitant price for Smart Tag units (what is it these days? RM180?) considering the fact that it costs what…RM15-20 to manufacter the thing? It was a sad day when the Malaysian government gave you a near virtual monopoly for the bulk of prepaid electronic payment systems in Malaysia. You can try to deny it all you want, but when the Government _APPROVED_ Touch’N’Go functions for all of our Malaysian Identity Cards, what do you think the implacation is?

So blah, Smart Tag….maybe it ain’t so smart after all.

Oh those lovely peanut butter cups

Oh Reese Peanut Butter Cups
How I dream of thee!
Night and day, hour on the hour
thougts of you haunting me!

Nothing can compare to you
not even wet dreams!
That smooth, creamy feeling
of you on my tongue.

That one delightful instance
when all my senses scream
with pleasure most extreme
as you gently slither down my throat.

Oh Reese Peanut Butter Cups
all gone now, all eaten away.
With that damned Myuu
getting four of them!

So what if I had nine
hey I had to work for them!
I shall dream of you
with fond nostalgia

Since those b*stards at Hershey’s
won’t sell them in Malaysia!
How could they be so selfish
to forget us completely!

Farewell then, till the next time
whence a package arrives once more
With you as the contents
waiting to be consumed by me!